If only I'd eaten pudding for breakfast...

Today, I was in a funk. There was no obvious explanation for my poor attitude, grumpy mood, or lack of energy. I just felt like crud. I am not a particularly "moody" person, so it's unlike me to behave this way for no good reason. But, today....I just couldn't shake it.

I should have known at 7 am that it was going to be one of those days. For starters, I could have killed somebody when my oatmeal wasn't cooked to the proper consistency. What's the deal with that anyways...I cook it the exact same way every single time, but one out of every 10 times, it's a complete disaster. (This is similar to the phenomenon that always happens when you have company over and you've told them how awesome a particular dish is and it turns out to be nearly inedible)! When things of this nature happen, my Stepdad always says you weren't "holding your mouth right". Must be.

Then, I nearly had a meltdown when my husband got home later than expected for lunch and the fritatta had gotten dried out in the oven. "What will we do with this dry piece of styrophome...use it for insulation in the walls? Or maybe we could carve a little statue out of it and put it on top of our Christmas tree? Oh, I know, it will make a great mallet for pounding out chicken breasts." I was clearly going off the deep end. Fortunately, as of 1:00, I was still managing to conceal all of this craziness; Michael had no idea that I had gone mad but it was just a matter of time before He'd be enlightened. I was a ticking time bomb.

AND...to make matters worse, I was HUNGRY! All day. Hungry. Unable to concentrate on anything besides when the next meal was being served, frustrated that I was snacking so much, and making myself feel more miserable by the minute. I was in that "bad place" where I would have eaten an entire box of Girl Scout Cookies if they'd been within reach. Thankfully, there was nothing of the sort in the entire house.

After dinner Michael encouraged me to go on a walk. Even though we'd planned for him to go for a bike ride, he offered to stay home and keep Ada so that I could get out and feel better about life. Normally I would have jumped at this opportunity, particularly with this amazing weather we're having, but even that seemed to require more "umph" than I could muster. I just wanted this day to be over.

After dinner we were sitting at the table, looking out into the trees. As the wind blew and the sun set, I noticed that the lighting was changing; it was beginning to look a little bit more like Fall and less like Summer. I LOVE Fall lighting- especially that warm, golden light that flickers through the leaves and dances about the ground in the early evening. Okay, let's be honest....I LOVE everything about Fall. Simply everything.

The weather got me thinking about something. I know this will be a surprise to you, but it actually got me thinking about food. Not just any food....Homemade. Warm. Chocolate. Pudding. Just the thought of it cheered me up. This is not haute cuisine. It's not complicated or gourmet or going to be served in a fine restaurant. It's more like something that would be served at your Grandma's kitchen table. Something she might whip up on a cool, late-summer evening after feeding you a bowl of veggie soup and a piece of cornbread. It's real comfort food for me, and upon realizing that my problem today could be blamed completely on PMS (ohhh....that's what's wrong with me), I surrendered. Chocolate pudding here I come.

This recipe is one that my family has always used. It's actually based on a recipe from the "red checkered cookbook". (This is what we call the Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook that every single woman in the South has on her bookshelf, whether she cooks or not. It's actually got alot of ghetto recipes, but there are a few winners that remind me of my childhood and keep me coming back). I guess the pudding recipe is one of those recipes that could be gussied up a bit....I suppose someone might want to add a bit of coffee liquere or use heavy cream or special chocolate. But, for me, this type of irreverent behavior would be sacrilegious. There's a time and place for gourmet desserts, but this just isn't it.

This dessert seems like it was created just to elicit reminiscing. It requires a bit of stirring, but no real concentration to speak of; this combination is sort of hypnotic. I always end up watching the milk and chocolate swirling around in the pot and reflecting on special times with my family. I can almost hear the cheering crowd and the echoing announcer coming across my Grandparent's backyard from the football game at Red Bank High School. I remember being so young that I was already in bed while the bright lights from the field shone into my window; I would lay there and think that I loved how the sheets always smelled so good at Grandma and Grandpa's. I would consider being over at the football game myself, and imagine just how cool I'd be in my brother's letterman jacket and my Sebagos. I would look at the copper warming pan that hung diagonally on the wall and wonder what it could have possibly been used for. I would admire the small music box that sat on the dresser and think about the ballerina inside; how I couldn't wait until I got pointe shoes of my own! So many great memories. And by the time I'm done thinking about that ballerina, the pudding is thick and ready to eat.

Now listen to me; this pudding needs to be eaten immediately. Right off the stove, steaming hot and fragrant as all get-out. It's got a lovely shininess to it just after it's been finished with butter, but before it's had a chance to form a skin. I don't serve it with whipped cream or fruit or anything at all! It's just warm chocolate pudding and in my opinion, it needs to remain unadulterated. Don't go gettin' all fancy on this one. The simplicity of it is part of the whole experience. It just makes you feel good.

Oh- and it did. Make me feel good, that is. After the pudding I was singing and dancing around. I must have passed some of that "puddin' joy" along to Ada because she was just as happy as a lark tonight too. It turned out to be a truly great evening. She was exceptionally sweet and we had a really special time together before she went to bed. Michael noted the dramatic transformation in me and declared that I should have had that chocolate pudding for breakfast. I think he's right. Next time I'm having a bad day, I just might go ahead and replace my oatmeal with some hot, rich, chocolate goodness in a bowl! So give it a try next time you need a pick-me-up...It's got to be better than Prozac, and way cheaper too.

Warm Chocolate Pudding

• 1 cup sugar


• 2 tbsp corn starch


• 1/2 tsp salt


• two 1-ounce squares of unsweetened chocolate


• 2 cups skim milk


• 1 egg, beaten


• 2 tbsp unsalted butter


• 1 tsp vanilla

In a saucepan, combine sugar, corn starch, salt, chocolate, and milk. Cook over medium heat, stirring often until bubbly and thick. Cook 2 more minutes. Remove from heat. Temper the eggs by slowly spooning a little bit of the hot chocolate mixture into the bowl with the beaten egg in it. Whisk the egg constantly while spooning the chocolate mixture into the egg, so the egg will not get scrambled. I usually do this for 3 or 4 spoonfuls. Once the egg is tempered, pour it back into the pot of hot chocolate, whisking constantly while pouring it into pot. Return to heat and cook for 2 more minutes. Remove from heat and stir in butter and vanilla. Eat it. NOW!

Serves 4 (Or 2 if anyone who is partaking happens to be dealing with PMS)